Every once in a while I rub up against the government in a way that makes me want to scream and commit acts of violence against people just trying to do their jobs. I went with #2 and #3 to get my usual “your largest quantity generic 30mg pseudoephedrine tablet” at the local pharmacy counter and the girl asked me who it was for, as I was paying. I indicated it was for #2 and #3, and she was thrown totally off her game. She asked how old #2 is and I told her.
She came back with a timid ” . . . well, you know he has to be at least 12 years of age . . . ”
I told her ” . . . or I could give him the liquid preparation (that they carry on the shelf above the box of pills I’m buying) or I could grind it up and give it to him in something else like y’all would do.”*
she continues to ring me up as I am pretty obviously not having any of her jive and very obviously over 12 years of age, but she says ” . . . but . . . he has to be at least 12 . . . “
After we exited the store, I did a little brainwashing against unreasoning government that started with “that lady said she wants you to suffer with allergies for four more years . . . “
*What I also could have said was: “Excuse me but I can’t help noticing you are rather young. Perhaps it has escaped your notice, but current recommendations and guidelines for administration of pseudoephedrine to children are based on questionable science and unquestionably bad legislation, due to kneejerk politics instead of logic. When you were still in high school, I would come into this very store and purchase -(turn around and point) right off that shelf over there- a tiny bottle called Infants’ Tylenol Cold that was magic when used as directed on THIS boy (point at #2) when he was a few MONTHS old. I know that people are stupid and can’t think, but I am not people I am a Person and a Man besides, and I know how to calculate doses based on weight just fine, and I read my labels to make sure I don’t give anyone a fatal dose of anything. Which would be a neat trick with sudafed, now that this blessed wonderful drug is behind the counter and that crap phenylephrine which does nothing is on the shelf and the kids of America can’t breathe. I happen to know for a fact that dosed by weight THIS kid (point at #2) takes one red pill and gets better. THIS kid (point at #3) takes half that much from (point at shelf behind counter) that bottle and gets better. Look at my face. See how the beard is cut, note the shape of the glasses. Remember this face and do yourself a favor. Never talk to me again about how old my boy should be before I give him the thing that makes him able to breathe.
But I didn’t. One would hate to be escorted from the store for being mad at our Elected Heroes to the pharmacy clerk.