Expect Us.

Your employer is operating on a thin profit margin.  Come next year, they will stop providing health insurance because the new Affordable Care Act says they have to pay 3 times as much for your new Obamacare-compatible insurance.  So you have to go without insurance, or you sign up for a new insurance plan on an ACA Exchange.

Then you want to buy a new sofa and the store turns down your credit.  You can’t buy a car.  You can’t get signed up for a new cell phone or cable TV plan.  Your student loan applications are all denied.  Then you start getting nasty phone calls at all hours of the night from people who want you to pay for stuff you never bought.  Except you did – or rather, your identity thief did.

There is currently no verified data security on the Affordable Care Act insurance exchange computer systems.  For all the company implementing security knows, your data is completely vulnerable, ripe for the stealing.  They were supposed to test it already, but they didn’t quite make the deadline.  The original deadline had them testing with a couple weeks to analyze the results and then a few months to work out the security flaws.  The current deadline has them testing the day before the exchanges open.  The Obama administration is saying the computer system where people sign up for their health insurance might open with some security flaws; it is considered less-likely that the Open Enrollment period will be delayed.

Less likely as in: this motherfucker bygod WILL be declared secure-enough-to-use by the day after the testing is concluded and Open Enrollment begins, come hell or high water, because the exchanges ARE going to be signing up the newly-insured on day 1.  There is nothing to see here.  There are no problems.  See?  You saw the commercial on Leno last night, and you come to the website and here it is, open right on schedule!  The Affordable Care Act delivers.  Just like Obama said it would!

The loss of face if people couldn’t go sign up on Day Zero would be totally unacceptable.  The white house is led by ideals and the ideal is that the system should open. So, maybe there are some teensy-weensy security bugs here and there.  You have Automatic Updates enabled on your laptop, we have it enabled on Obamacare, no big deal!  Sure, right, no big deal until your grandmother’s bank account is cleaned out by an identity thief and you are left with a $153,000 bill for the last three weeks of her life when she was busy dying in hospital.  You can swing that, right?  Just let the exchanges go ahead and start signing people up, it’ll be FINE!

Surely, there are no hackers or identity thieves who heard there could be vulnerabilities in the system.  Nobody will be trying to break in and steal your data, no, not at all!  Any breach would certainly be “Unexpectedly!”

We do not forgive.

Also, we wouldn’t want to scare people needlessly, so if anyone does break in, how about you print it on back of page D-3 instead of A-1?  That would sure help out the cause, you know.  No pressure.  Did you hear there might be an opening to get in to the next Media Dinner at the white house for reporters and editors who get along with us, promoting the President’s signature legislation . . .?

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