[deleted] The Ocean!

I am a big fan of dry land. It’s solid, steady, and generally not going to open up and swallow you whole. Unlike the ocean.

Don’t get me wrong, I love her. She is the source of our food and water, and we need her. But you can have her.

If your office on shore catches fire, you leave. If your office on the sea catches fire, you’re [deleted]. If you pass out and fall down on land, you may hit your poor widdle head. If you pass out and fall overboard, you’re [deleted]. Say hi to Davy Jones for me if you slip and fall over the balcony. Sure, you can swim. I can swim. If you’re trained in Drownproofing, we can swim miles together to shore.  If.  Unless the water is too cold, then you’re dead anyway.

VFD, you were in the NAVY for crying out loud!

Yeah, sure.  I used to do lots of things.  While I *have* spent time on the water, I no longer *wish to* spend time on the water.  A cruise can see you and a thousand of your closest friends puking into the pool.  If you’re *really* unlucky your ferry will drown you on a high school trip.  But the worst is fire.  If you never had to fight a fire bigger than yourself in a closed space, trust me you don’t want to.  If you never had to do it at sea, that’s because the Fates smiled on you.

We were watching Deadliest Catch just now, and there came an alert that a little boy* had put out a distress beacon.  The US Coast Guard turned out and they put the aircraft-filmed video on the TV.  Fire.  Or, as they trained us to say, “Fire, fire, fire.”  I HATE fire at sea.  The sea is a harsh mistress, and fire is a jealous ex in the same room with her.  Nothing good happens, only bad, when fire shows up out of its proper place inside the engines.  [deleted] that [deleted] for real.  I’ll be over here – where it’s dry.


*little boy: a boat too small to cross an ocean without a resupply/refueling somewhere between points A and B


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