From the Archives:

I typed this up a couple of years ago on my scratch text file at work and only yesterday did it become useful to post for public consumption:

If a man can marry a man
He can marry a dog
or a computer
or a car
or your house
or his sister
or a few sisters
or whatever.

Marriage is a word.  Words have meanings.  This one has had a meaning since English, and the translation to other languages has the same meaning. (1) Man + (1) Woman = (1) Family to be protected and encouraged by the State

The facile retort, “How is Sam & Steve’s “gay marriage” hurting your third marriage?” is a straw man.  How is the interstate hooker muderer’s killing spree hurting your sex life?  How’s a rape in the next town over hurting your purity and chastity?

You want to change one of the fundaments of western civilization so that your preferred perversion is not only tolerated, not only accepted, but given preferential treatment the same way as one of the most wholesome and beneficial things in human experience.  No.

I Don’t Care If It’s A Diesel

If your car is sitting at a red light just belching a constant stream of thick, black smoke, you suck.  I hope you get scared into fixing it, when you receive a letter from Texas saying the fines range up to $1000 for having a smoking car.  Which you should, seeing I just reported you to the Regional Smoking Vehicle Program.

Shame on this person!

The picture makes it look less bad than it was in person. This cloud was thick, all the way across the next lane.  You suck if you are letting this happen to my Texas from your car.

I’ll Be In Town All Week!

DW went into the laundry room and turned off the light.  The garage lights shine through.  She opened the door and switched off those as well.  And slammed the door.*  She came into the lighted living room, saw the lit-up dining room, and three bedrooms and a bathroom, all with their lights on.  And our house is adequately lit by the evening sun, which was streaming in through the windows.  She asked the family (all congregated in the living room), “Why are all these lights on?!”

This seemed like a good question which really should have a good response.  I racked my brains.  Earth Day was last week.  Last week for Earth Day, I frustrated her a little with my mode of celebration – which is of course, leaving lights on unnecessarily.  But that was last week.  I couldn’t say it was Earth Day again!

VFD: It’s Earth Day!
DW: I’ts not Earth Day.
VFD: It’s Earth Day every day!
The Zoo: LOL

*The door has a stiff weather seal around it, and you either have to slam or close gently and push with a shoulder.  Everybody slams the door, or else it stays half-open and you’re air conditioning the whole world!

Eulogium Ante Mortem

As I type this, #2 is out in the garden digging a hole.  VFDDawg #2 is on her way tonight.

When #1 was around kindergarten age, old enough to be trusted not to hurt the dog, she would take the little thing to her bedroom for hours.  They would keep each other company while #1 would read or color or play.  #1 would dress her in cute little dresses of her own design, and ridiculously large bows, also of her own design.  This chihuahua never uttered a protest.  She never was one to growl, never one to snap at a child even when being poked at and her tail pulled, etc.  Even when other dogs would come around, she would bark of course (that’s the Chihuahua way) but she would never bite.

Last year she started losing weight.  She started around nine and a half pounds at full size.  Then from about October last year she kept shrinking.  Skinnier and skinner she’d get but she’s always happy to see the family come home, always wagging the tail and turning little circles waiting to be petted.  Sometimes she runs with one of her rear feet up like it’s hurt (“trigger foot”), but they all do that.  Sometimes she would get closed in the door by a toddler and get half a baby aspirin for a while until she was better.  Sometimes she would shit in the house and nearly be killed on the spot by the mistress.  But she was always such a sweet dog.  She would be your favorite thing in the world, if your favorite thing  happened to be a small, black, fuzzy lap warmer that likes to be scratched on the head but please don’t touch her ears.

And she finally got skinny enough to take to the vet.  Four and a half pounds.  Blood testing showed liver failure.  The smallest steroid pills you ever saw, cut in half, to help with nausea so she would eat.  And she started eating again too – but not putting any weight back on.  You can tell which are her poops in the yard, because they’re almost gray.  Her ears are no-kidding falling apart.  It looks like scabies gone wild on the edges, with chunks missing and the top edge of the ear flap just a raw sore – but it doesn’t itch, stink, or hurt her.  Her liver can’t maintain her skin any more is all.  Her coat lost fur in spots along her spine, then on her hips, and then everywhere in little dry patches.  The skin can’t hold fur any more.  She used to be as strong as any other little rat-dog, and would stand on her hind legs to grab a treat.  But she stopped doing that.  Then sometimes she couldn’t step up six inches to clear the bottom of the door to come back into the house.  You set her down gently and she collapses until she deliberately collects her strength to stand again.  Then she’ll shake herself -not as hard as she used to do- and wag her tail like nothing.

Her spirits remain high through it all.  A happy dog.  Loves attention.  Loves to come around when DW and #1 are on the floor, and get tangled up in their long hair like it was catnip.

And her ribs are showing through her coat.  And her waist is smaller and smaller.  And she has to think about it for a moment before she can come inside from the back yard.  And she doesn’t have any appetite.

This morning she staggers and can’t exit her kennel.  She can’t step up 3″ to get on the patio.  She can barely stay up just to walk straight.

VFD: She’s going.  She’s going Tonight.
#1: Yer gonna kill her?
VFD: Look at her.  Is it a kindness, to let her be like that?
#1: No.

Good.

If I steal a car and give it to my children, do they get to keep it? What if they have come to depend on it for transportation?  They’ve been using it for a REALLY LONG TIME!  They should totally be able to keep it!  I mean they even put money into maintenance, changed the brakes, oil, filters, stuff like that!

No?  Then why the [deleted] do you want to allow children to keep permanent residency when their parents brought them here in violation of our national laws?  I have family that came here illegally.  You know what they did next?  They got in damn line and became citizens and their children had exactly ZERO problems with citizenship status.  Don’t come crying to me (the taxpayer) if you want to stay. You’re Mexico(or wherever you came from)’s problem.  Go there and petition THEM to deal with the USA.  You have no standing and no right to BE here. *

Much less a right to protest that we may take away your reduced-fee IN-state tuition for college, and you’re a foreign national!

*P.S. in Mexico what they will usually do to foreign national children illegal immigrants is kick them out whatever end of the country they entered, and tell them to kick bricks.  Like we should do.

Where’s that Drummer?

I needed a rimshot this weekend.  My baby sister is in college these days, taking (get this) EIGHTEEN hours of courses.  Not 18 this year.  18 this term.  She started to fall behind a little, and has dropped one course:  Calculus-based physics.

I told her that I couldn’t take that class because if I tried to go into the classroom I would bounce off the force field.  My dad said he could go into the class, which surprised me a little – but he followed it up by saying “but my head would immediately explode.”

We’re more on the mechanical side of things than the equation-based theoretical side, my dad and I!

Chronic Parking Violators in Austin

These are being submitted to the Austin Police Department via their online tip reporting system every couple of days.  I’ve put through three sets of pictures like this so far and intend to continue, and have received approved Police Reports for two of them.   If you are one of these drivers, shame on you.  I hope eventually APD gets caught up on their backlog and you catch a full $500 fine for every one of these illegal parking jobs.    If you know any of these people, tell them they suck as human beings, or perhaps mention that the Police are being sent pictures of their cars illegally parked.

At mykids’ school, I was just ignoring people parking on the red curb and in the handicapped zone .every.day, but this was the final straw.  Because this pisses me off.  This one finally got me making submissions to the Police.  A crippled old lady walking on a CANE past the lazy bitch who couldn’t be bothered to find one of the less-convenient available parking spots.

This green Mercedes SUV license plate number BR7Y374 is a fat female who I see park here at least every-other day (probably every day, and I just don’t always show up at the same time as her).  At least when she gets back to the car, she drives away.


This white Nissan Sentra has a temporary tag 86W2350, and this fat female apparently also parks in the same handicapped spot at least every-other day, maybe every day and I just don’t see it.  This morning the parking lot was half empty and she STILL parked in the handicapped spot … and then took a few minutes after dropping off her anklebiter to PUT ON HER MAKEUP! At least today she was parked inside one spot, instead of overlapping two like this:

The other day, this white van was driven by another fat female, slowly, through the parking lot.  When I went to grab my camera to shoot the green Mercedes, she was blocking my shot, stopped on the red zone, heads-down on her cell phone.  Having JUST driven past a Drivers – No Talking No Texting sign.  License tag CSF7146.

This morning I was running a couple minutes late so I got to see a different violator for a change.  A skinny Asian female driving a gold Toyota Sienna license number CR8V735 stopped where the Mercedes SUV had been, and she went in the back door to unbuckle her kids.

I don’t know why I should be surprised.  The local drivers are pretty terrible at driving as well as parking.  The general failure is “lack of consideration for fellow motorists” on the road, why expect them to give a damn about some hypothetical cripple with a good reserved parking spot?

This is probably happening all over Austin all day every day.  That’s what happens when your local police force is short by a couple of THOUSAND officers (but hey, you got a new $50M ESL program in the schools so… )