Yes, me. Here I sit in the County Reformatory* at the old Red Ranch as I have begun to serve a sentence of unknown duration, until the Authorities agree I’ve got my mind right. The first meeting with a counselor starts in just under an hour as I write this and I don’t know how many doctors I’m going to need.
They don’t let you see your victim or your family here, including specifically my wife which is
***to be perfectly clear***
the hardest thing. Everything else that ever befell in my entire life that led me to be kindof a hard man, combined, was not as hard as the blow I gave myself last week. Like the song says,
“I can’t go with you and stay where I am”
If there is any hope of restoration of what I broke, I have to change. I know that, now. There’s things from long ago that I need to deal with. I shoved it all down deep inside and built up around it, but it was still there, and now I stepped in it and it stinks.
Next time you see me, you won’t recognize what you knew was wrong, because i’ll be better. I’m taking big steps already, believe it or not. I had already moved past the worst of the worst, mentally, and I was dragging my feet. #1 kept telling me “YOU need therapy!” and I told her “nah, I’m good.” Well bby u were correct and I was wrong on that. I’m gettin’ it.
I have to improve or there’s no chance of getting back into what I am missing out on right now. You may have heard of my hatred of paperwork. I actually sought it out today, so I could figure out how my insurance is going to play into paying for this mess. They make you pay if you talk to actual doctors. I told my dad everything, and his DW almost everything and he probably filled her in on the gaps. I told my new minister everything too. God already knew but he had to step on me a bit for me to own up; but He doesn’t give up. I wish I could tell one more person how far I’ve already come but that looks impossible right now.
*I’m not actually locked up, y’all. It only feels like it.
-Prison: A place for the confinement and punishment of persons convicted of crimes, especially felonies.
-Reformatory: A penal institution for the discipline, reformation, and training of … offenders